Henry IV, part 1: Entire Play The First part of King Henry the Fourth Shakespeare homepage | Henry IV, part 1 | Entire play ACT I SCENE I. London. The palace. Enter KING HENRY, LORD JOHN OF LANCASTER, the EARL of WESTMORELAND, SIR WALTER BLUNT, and others KING HENRY IV So shaken as we are, so wan with care, Find we a time for frighted peace to pant, And breathe short-winded accents of new broils To be commenced in strands afar remote. No more the thirsty entrance of this soil Shall daub her lips with her own children's blood; Nor more shall trenching war channel her fields, Nor bruise her flowerets with the armed hoofs Of hostile paces: those opposed eyes, Which, like the meteors of a troubled heaven, All of one nature, of one substance bred, Did lately meet in the intestine shock And furious close of civil butchery Shall now, in mutual well-beseeming ranks, March all one way and be no more opposed Against acquaintance, kindred and allies: The edge of war, like an ill-sheathed knife, No more shall cut his master. Therefore, friends, As far as to the sepulchre of Christ, Whose soldier now, under whose blessed cross We are impressed and engaged to fight, Forthwith a power of English shall we levy; Whose arms were moulded in their mothers' womb To chase these pagans in those holy fields Over whose acres walk'd those blessed feet Which fourteen hundred years ago were nail'd For our advantage on the bitter cross. But this our purpose now is twelve month old, And bootless 'tis to tell you we will go: Therefore we meet not now. Then let me hear Of you, my gentle cousin Westmoreland, What yesternight our council did decree In forwarding this dear expedience. WESTMORELAND My liege, this haste was hot in question, And many limits of the charge set down But yesternight: when all athwart there came A post from Wales loaden with heavy news; Whose worst was, that the noble Mortimer, Leading the men of Herefordshire to fight Against the irregular and wild Glendower, Was by the rude hands of that Welshman taken, A thousand of his people butchered; Upon whose dead corpse there was such misuse, Such beastly shameless transformation, By those Welshwomen done as may not be Without much shame retold or spoken of. KING HENRY IV It seems then that the tidings of this broil Brake off our business for the Holy Land. WESTMORELAND This match'd with other did, my gracious lord; For more uneven and unwelcome news Came from the north and thus it did import: On Holy-rood day, the gallant Hotspur there, Young Harry Percy and brave Archibald, That ever-valiant and approved Scot, At Holmedon met, Where they did spend a sad and bloody hour, As by discharge of their artillery, And shape of likelihood, the news was told; For he that brought them, in the very heat And pride of their contention did take horse, Uncertain of the issue any way. KING HENRY IV Here is a dear, a true industrious friend, Sir Walter Blunt, new lighted from his horse. Stain'd with the variation of each soil Betwixt that Holmedon and this seat of ours; And he hath brought us smooth and welcome news. The Earl of Douglas is discomfited: Ten thousand bold Scots, two and twenty knights, Balk'd in their own blood did Sir Walter see On Holmedon's plains. Of prisoners, Hotspur took Mordake the Earl of Fife, and eldest son To beaten Douglas; and the Earl of Athol, Of Murray, Angus, and Menteith: And is not this an honourable spoil? A gallant prize? ha, cousin, is it not? WESTMORELAND In faith, It is a conquest for a prince to boast of. KING HENRY IV Yea, there thou makest me sad and makest me sin In envy that my Lord Northumberland Should be the father to so blest a son, A son who is the theme of honour's tongue; Amongst a grove, the very straightest plant; Who is sweet Fortune's minion and her pride: Whilst I, by looking on the praise of him, See riot and dishonour stain the brow Of my young Harry. O that it could be proved That some night-tripping fairy had exchanged In cradle-clothes our children where they lay, And call'd mine Percy, his Plantagenet! Then would I have his Harry, and he mine. But let him from my thoughts. What think you, coz, Of this young Percy's pride? the prisoners, Which he in this adventure hath surprised, To his own use he keeps; and sends me word, I shall have none but Mordake Earl of Fife. WESTMORELAND This is his uncle's teaching; this is Worcester, Malevolent to you in all aspects; Which makes him prune himself, and bristle up The crest of youth against your dignity. KING HENRY IV But I have sent for him to answer this; And for this cause awhile we must neglect Our holy purpose to Jerusalem. Cousin, on Wednesday next our council we Will hold at Windsor; so inform the lords: But come yourself with speed to us again; For more is to be said and to be done Than out of anger can be uttered. WESTMORELAND I will, my liege. Exeunt SCENE II. London. An apartment of the Prince's. Enter the PRINCE OF WALES and FALSTAFF FALSTAFF Now, Hal, what time of day is it, lad? PRINCE HENRY Thou art so fat-witted, with drinking of old sack and unbuttoning thee after supper and sleeping upon benches after noon, that thou hast forgotten to demand that truly which thou wouldst truly know. What a devil hast thou to do with the time of the day? Unless hours were cups of sack and minutes capons and clocks the tongues of bawds and dials the signs of leaping-houses and the blessed sun himself a fair hot wench in flame-coloured taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to demand the time of the day. FALSTAFF Indeed, you come near me now, Hal; for we that take purses go by the moon and the seven stars, and not by Phoebus, he,'that wandering knight so fair.' And, I prithee, sweet wag, when thou art king, as, God save thy grace,--majesty I should say, for grace thou wilt have none,-- PRINCE HENRY What, none? FALSTAFF No, by my troth, not so much as will serve to prologue to an egg and butter. PRINCE HENRY Well, how then? come, roundly, roundly. FALSTAFF Marry, then, sweet wag, when thou art king, let not us that are squires of the night's body be called thieves of the day's beauty: let us be Diana's foresters, gentlemen of the shade, minions of the moon; and let men say we be men of good government, being governed, as the sea is, by our noble and chaste mistress the moon, under whose countenance we steal. PRINCE HENRY Thou sayest well, and it holds well too; for the fortune of us that are the moon's men doth ebb and flow like the sea, being governed, as the sea is, by the moon. As, for proof, now: a purse of gold most resolutely snatched on Monday night and most dissolutely spent on Tuesday morning; got with swearing 'Lay by' and spent with crying 'Bring in;' now in as low an ebb as the foot of the ladder and by and by in as high a flow as the ridge of the gallows. FALSTAFF By the Lord, thou sayest true, lad. And is not my hostess of the tavern a most sweet wench? PRINCE HENRY As the honey of Hybla, my old lad of the castle. And is not a buff jerkin a most sweet robe of durance? FALSTAFF How now, how now, mad wag! what, in thy quips and thy quiddities? what a plague have I to do with a buff jerkin? PRINCE HENRY Why, what a pox have I to do with my hostess of the tavern? FALSTAFF Well, thou hast called her to a reckoning many a time and oft. PRINCE HENRY Did I ever call for thee to pay thy part? FALSTAFF No; I'll give thee thy due, thou hast paid all there. PRINCE HENRY Yea, and elsewhere, so far as my coin would stretch; and where it would not, I have used my credit. FALSTAFF Yea, and so used it that were it not here apparent that thou art heir apparent--But, I prithee, sweet wag, shall there be gallows standing in England when thou art king? and resolution thus fobbed as it is with the rusty curb of old father antic the law? Do not thou, when thou art king, hang a thief. PRINCE HENRY No; thou shalt. FALSTAFF Shall I? O rare! By the Lord, I'll be a brave judge. PRINCE HENRY Thou judgest false already: I mean, thou shalt have the hanging of the thieves and so become a rare hangman. FALSTAFF Well, Hal, well; and in some sort it jumps with my humour as well as waiting in the court, I can tell you. PRINCE HENRY For obtaining of suits? FALSTAFF Yea, for obtaining of suits, whereof the hangman hath no lean wardrobe. 'Sblood, I am as melancholy as a gib cat or a lugged bear. PRINCE HENRY Or an old lion, or a lover's lute. FALSTAFF Yea, or the drone of a Lincolnshire bagpipe. PRINCE HENRY What sayest thou to a hare, or the melancholy of Moor-ditch? FALSTAFF Thou hast the most unsavoury similes and art indeed the most comparative, rascalliest, sweet young prince. But, Hal, I prithee, trouble me no more with vanity. I would to God thou and I knew where a commodity of good names were to be bought. An old lord of the council rated me the other day in the street about you, sir, but I marked him not; and yet he talked very wisely, but I regarded him not; and yet he talked wisely, and in the street too. PRINCE HENRY Thou didst well; for wisdom cries out in the streets, and no man regards it. FALSTAFF O, thou hast damnable iteration and art indeed able to corrupt a saint. Thou hast done much harm upon me, Hal; God forgive thee for it! Before I knew thee, Hal, I knew nothing; and now am I, if a man should speak truly, little better than one of the wicked. I must give over this life, and I will give it over: by the Lord, and I do not, I am a villain: I'll be damned for never a king's son in Christendom. PRINCE HENRY Where shall we take a purse tomorrow, Jack? FALSTAFF 'Zounds, where thou wilt, lad; I'll make one; an I do not, call me villain and baffle me. PRINCE HENRY I see a good amendment of life in thee; from praying to purse-taking. FALSTAFF Why, Hal, 'tis my vocation, Hal; 'tis no sin for a man to labour in his vocation. Enter POINS Poins! Now shall we know if Gadshill have set a match. O, if men were to be saved by merit, what hole in hell were hot enough for him? This is the most omnipotent villain that ever cried 'Stand' to a true man. PRINCE HENRY Good morrow, Ned. POINS Good morrow, sweet Hal. What says Monsieur Remorse? what says Sir John Sack and Sugar? Jack! how agrees the devil and thee about thy soul, that thou soldest him on Good-Friday last for a cup of Madeira and a cold capon's leg? PRINCE HENRY Sir John stands to his word, the devil shall have his bargain; for he was never yet a breaker of proverbs: he will give the devil his due. POINS Then art thou damned for keeping thy word with the devil. PRINCE HENRY Else he had been damned for cozening the devil. POINS But, my lads, my lads, to-morrow morning, by four o'clock, early at Gadshill! there are pilgrims going to Canterbury with rich offerings, and traders riding to London with fat purses: I have vizards for you all; you have horses for yourselves: Gadshill lies to-night in Rochester: I have bespoke supper to-morrow night in Eastcheap: we may do it as secure as sleep. If you will go, I will stuff your purses full of crowns; if you will not, tarry at home and be hanged. FALSTAFF Hear ye, Yedward; if I tarry at home and go not, I'll hang you for going. POINS You will, chops? FALSTAFF Hal, wilt thou make one? PRINCE HENRY Who, I rob? I a thief? not I, by my faith. FALSTAFF There's neither honesty, manhood, nor good fellowship in thee, nor thou camest not of the blood royal, if thou darest not stand for ten shillings. PRINCE HENRY Well then, once in my days I'll be a madcap. FALSTAFF Why, that's well said. PRINCE HENRY Well, come what will, I'll tarry at home. FALSTAFF By the Lord, I'll be a traitor then, when thou art king. PRINCE HENRY I care not. POINS Sir John, I prithee, leave the prince and me alone: I will lay him down such reasons for this adventure that he shall go. FALSTAFF Well, God give thee the spirit of persuasion and him the ears of profiting, that what thou speakest may move and what he hears may be believed, that the true prince may, for recreation sake, prove a false thief; for the poor abuses of the time want countenance. Farewell: you shall find me in Eastcheap. PRINCE HENRY Farewell, thou latter spring! farewell, All-hallown summer! Exit Falstaff POINS Now, my good sweet honey lord, ride with us to-morrow: I have a jest to execute that I cannot manage alone. Falstaff, Bardolph, Peto and Gadshill shall rob those men that we have already waylaid: yourself and I will not be there; and when they have the booty, if you and I do not rob them, cut this head off from my shoulders. PRINCE HENRY How shall we part with them in setting forth? POINS Why, we will set forth before or after them, and appoint them a place of meeting, wherein it is at our pleasure to fail, and then will they adventure upon the exploit themselves; which they shall have no sooner achieved, but we'll set upon them. PRINCE HENRY Yea, but 'tis like that they will know us by our horses, by our habits and by every other appointment, to be ourselves. POINS Tut! our horses they shall not see: I'll tie them in the wood; our vizards we will change after we leave them: and, sirrah, I have cases of buckram for the nonce, to immask our noted outward garments. PRINCE HENRY Yea, but I doubt they will be too hard for us. POINS Well, for two of them, I know them to be as true-bred cowards as ever turned back; and for the third, if he fight longer than he sees reason, I'll forswear arms. The virtue of this jest will be, the incomprehensible lies that this same fat rogue will tell us when we meet at supper: how thirty, at least, he fought with; what wards, what blows, what extremities he endured; and in the reproof of this lies the jest. PRINCE HENRY Well, I'll go with thee: provide us all things necessary and meet me to-morrow night in Eastcheap; there I'll sup. Farewell. POINS Farewell, my lord. Exit Poins PRINCE HENRY I know you all, and will awhile uphold The unyoked humour of your idleness: Yet herein will I imitate the sun, Who doth permit the base contagious clouds To smother up his beauty from the world, That, when he please again to be himself, Being wanted, he may be more wonder'd at, By breaking through the foul and ugly mists Of vapours that did seem to strangle him. If all the year were playing holidays, To sport would be as tedious as to work; But when they seldom come, they wish'd for come, And nothing pleaseth but rare accidents. So, when this loose behavior I throw off And pay the debt I never promised, By how much better than my word I am, By so much shall I falsify men's hopes; And like bright metal on a sullen ground, My reformation, glittering o'er my fault, Shall show more goodly and attract more eyes Than that which hath no foil to set it off. I'll so offend, to make offence a skill; Redeeming time when men think least I will. Exit SCENE III. London. The palace. Enter the KING, NORTHUMBERLAND, WORCESTER, HOTSPUR, SIR WALTER BLUNT, with others KING HENRY IV My blood hath been too cold and temperate, Unapt to stir at these indignities, And you have found me; for accordingly You tread upon my patience: but be sure I will from henceforth rather be myself, Mighty and to be fear'd, than my condition; Which hath been smooth as oil, soft as young down, And therefore lost that title of respect Which the proud soul ne'er pays but to the proud. EARL OF WORCESTER Our house, my sovereign liege, little deserves The scourge of greatness to be used on it; And that same greatness too which our own hands Have holp to make so portly. NORTHUMBERLAND My lord.-- KING HENRY IV Worcester, get thee gone; for I do see Danger and disobedience in thine eye: O, sir, your presence is too bold and peremptory, And majesty might never yet endure The moody frontier of a servant brow. You have good leave to leave us: when we need Your use and counsel, we shall send for you. Exit Worcester You were about to speak. To North NORTHUMBERLAND Yea, my good lord. Those prisoners in your highness' name demanded, Which Harry Percy here at Holmedon took, Were, as he says, not with such strength denied As is deliver'd to your majesty: Either envy, therefore, or misprison Is guilty of this fault and not my son. HOTSPUR My liege, I did deny no prisoners. But I remember, when the fight was done, When I was dry with rage and extreme toil, Breathless and faint, leaning upon my sword, Came there a certain lord, neat, and trimly dress'd, Fresh as a bridegroom; and his chin new reap'd Show'd like a stubble-land at harvest-home; He was perfumed like a milliner; And 'twixt his finger and his thumb he held A pouncet-box, which ever and anon He gave his nose and took't away again; Who therewith angry, when it next came there, Took it in snuff; and still he smiled and talk'd, And as the soldiers bore dead bodies by, He call'd them untaught knaves, unmannerly, To bring a slovenly unhandsome corse Betwixt the wind and his nobility. With many holiday and lady terms He question'd me; amongst the rest, demanded My prisoners in your majesty's behalf. I then, all smarting with my wounds being cold, To be so pester'd with a popinjay, Out of my grief and my impatience, Answer'd neglectingly I know not what, He should or he should not; for he made me mad To see him shine so brisk and smell so sweet And talk so like a waiting-gentlewoman Of guns and drums and wounds,--God save the mark!-- And telling me the sovereign'st thing on earth Was parmaceti for an inward bruise; And that it was great pity, so it was, This villanous salt-petre should be digg'd Out of the bowels of the harmless earth, Which many a good tall fellow had destroy'd So cowardly; and but for these vile guns, He would himself have been a soldier. This bald unjointed chat of his, my lord, I answer'd indirectly, as I said; And I beseech you, let not his report Come current for an accusation Betwixt my love and your high majesty. SIR WALTER BLUNT The circumstance consider'd, good my lord, Whate'er Lord Harry Percy then had said To such a person and in such a place, At such a time, with all the rest retold, May reasonably die and never rise To do him wrong or any way impeach What then he said, so he unsay it now. KING HENRY IV Why, yet he doth deny his prisoners, But with proviso and exception, That we at our own charge shall ransom straight His brother-in-law, the foolish Mortimer; Who, on my soul, hath wilfully betray'd The lives of those that he did lead to fight Against that great magician, damn'd Glendower, Whose daughter, as we hear, the Earl of March Hath lately married. Shall our coffers, then, Be emptied to redeem a traitor home? Shall we but treason? and indent with fears, When they have lost and forfeited themselves? No, on the barren mountains let him starve; For I shall never hold that man my friend Whose tongue shall ask me for one penny cost To ransom home revolted Mortimer. HOTSPUR Revolted Mortimer! He never did fall off, my sovereign liege, But by the chance of war; to prove that true Needs no more but one tongue for all those wounds, Those mouthed wounds, which valiantly he took When on the gentle Severn's sedgy bank, In single opposition, hand to hand, He did confound the best part of an hour In changing hardiment with great Glendower: Three times they breathed and three times did they drink, Upon agreement, of swift Severn's flood; Who then, affrighted with their bloody looks, Ran fearfully among the trembling reeds, And hid his crisp head in the hollow bank, Bloodstained with these valiant combatants. Never did base and rotten policy Colour her working with such deadly wounds; Nor could the noble Mortimer Receive so many, and all willingly: Then let not him be slander'd with revolt. KING HENRY IV Thou dost belie him, Percy, thou dost belie him; He never did encounter with Glendower: I tell thee, He durst as well have met the devil alone As Owen Glendower for an enemy. Art thou not ashamed? But, sirrah, henceforth Let me not hear you speak of Mortimer: Send me your prisoners with the speediest means, Or you shall hear in such a kind from me As will displease you. My Lord Northumberland, We licence your departure with your son. Send us your prisoners, or you will hear of it. Exeunt King Henry, Blunt, and train HOTSPUR An if the devil come and roar for them, I will not send them: I will after straight And tell him so; for I will ease my heart, Albeit I make a hazard of my head. NORTHUMBERLAND What, drunk with choler? stay and pause awhile: Here comes your uncle. Re-enter WORCESTER HOTSPUR Speak of Mortimer! 'Zounds, I will speak of him; and let my soul Want mercy, if I do not join with him: Yea, on his part I'll empty all these veins, And shed my dear blood drop by drop in the dust, But I will lift the down-trod Mortimer As high in the air as this unthankful king, As this ingrate and canker'd Bolingbroke. NORTHUMBERLAND Brother, the king hath made your nephew mad. EARL OF WORCESTER Who struck this heat up after I was gone? HOTSPUR He will, forsooth, have all my prisoners; And when I urged the ransom once again Of my wife's brother, then his cheek look'd pale, And on my face he turn'd an eye of death, Trembling even at the name of Mortimer. EARL OF WORCESTER I cannot blame him: was not he proclaim'd By Richard that dead is the next of blood? NORTHUMBERLAND He was; I heard the proclamation: And then it was when the unhappy king, --Whose wrongs in us God pardon!--did set forth Upon his Irish expedition; From whence he intercepted did return To be deposed and shortly murdered. EARL OF WORCESTER And for whose death we in the world's wide mouth Live scandalized and foully spoken of. HOTSPUR But soft, I pray you; did King Richard then Proclaim my brother Edmund Mortimer Heir to the crown? NORTHUMBERLAND He did; myself did hear it. HOTSPUR Nay, then I cannot blame his cousin king, That wished him on the barren mountains starve. But shall it be that you, that set the crown Upon the head of this forgetful man And for his sake wear the detested blot Of murderous subornation, shall it be, That you a world of curses undergo, Being the agents, or base second means, The cords, the ladder, or the hangman rather? O, pardon me that I descend so low, To show the line and the predicament Wherein you range under this subtle king; Shall it for shame be spoken in these days, Or fill up chronicles in time to come, That men of your nobility and power Did gage them both in an unjust behalf, As both of you--God pardon it!--have done, To put down Richard, that sweet lovely rose, An plant this thorn, this canker, Bolingbroke? And shall it in more shame be further spoken, That you are fool'd, discarded and shook off By him for whom these shames ye underwent? No; yet time serves wherein you may redeem Your banish'd honours and restore yourselves Into the good thoughts of the world again, Revenge the jeering and disdain'd contempt Of this proud king, who studies day and night To answer all the debt he owes to you Even with the bloody payment of your deaths: Therefore, I say-- EARL OF WORCESTER Peace, cousin, say no more: And now I will unclasp a secret book, And to your quick-conceiving discontents I'll read you matter deep and dangerous, As full of peril and adventurous spirit As to o'er-walk a current roaring loud On the unsteadfast footing of a spear. HOTSPUR If he fall in, good night! or sink or swim: Send danger from the east unto the west, So honour cross it from the north to south, And let them grapple: O, the blood more stirs To rouse a lion than to start a hare! NORTHUMBERLAND Imagination of some great exploit Drives him beyond the bounds of patience. HOTSPUR By heaven, methinks it were an easy leap, To pluck bright honour from the pale-faced moon, Or dive into the bottom of the deep, Where fathom-line could never touch the ground, And pluck up drowned honour by the locks; So he that doth redeem her thence might wear Without corrival, all her dignities: But out upon this half-faced fellowship! EARL OF WORCESTER He apprehends a world of figures here, But not the form of what he should attend. Good cousin, give me audience for a while. HOTSPUR I cry you mercy. EARL OF WORCESTER Those same noble Scots That are your prisoners,-- HOTSPUR I'll keep them all; By God, he shall not have a Scot of them; No, if a Scot would save his soul, he shall not: I'll keep them, by this hand. EARL OF WORCESTER You start away And lend no ear unto my purposes. Those prisoners you shall keep. HOTSPUR Nay, I will; that's flat: He said he would not ransom Mortimer; Forbad my tongue to speak of Mortimer; But I will find him when he lies asleep, And in his ear I'll holla 'Mortimer!' Nay, I'll have a starling shall be taught to speak Nothing but 'Mortimer,' and give it him To keep his anger still in motion. EARL OF WORCESTER Hear you, cousin; a word. HOTSPUR All studies here I solemnly defy, Save how to gall and pinch this Bolingbroke: And that same sword-and-buckler Prince of Wales, But that I think his father loves him not And would be glad he met with some mischance, I would have him poison'd with a pot of ale. EARL OF WORCESTER Farewell, kinsman: I'll talk to you When you are better temper'd to attend. NORTHUMBERLAND Why, what a wasp-stung and impatient fool Art thou to break into this woman's mood, Tying thine ear to no tongue but thine own! HOTSPUR Why, look you, I am whipp'd and scourged with rods, Nettled and stung with pismires, when I hear Of this vile politician, Bolingbroke. In Richard's time,--what do you call the place?-- A plague upon it, it is in Gloucestershire; 'Twas where the madcap duke his uncle kept, His uncle York; where I first bow'd my knee Unto this king of smiles, this Bolingbroke,-- 'Sblood!-- When you and he came back from Ravenspurgh. NORTHUMBERLAND At Berkley castle. HOTSPUR You say true: Why, what a candy deal of courtesy This fawning greyhound then did proffer me! Look,'when his infant fortune came to age,' And 'gentle Harry Percy,' and 'kind cousin;' O, the devil take such cozeners! God forgive me! Good uncle, tell your tale; I have done. EARL OF WORCESTER Nay, if you have not, to it again; We will stay your leisure. HOTSPUR I have done, i' faith. EARL OF WORCESTER Then once more to your Scottish prisoners. Deliver them up without their ransom straight, And make the Douglas' son your only mean For powers in Scotland; which, for divers reasons Which I shall send you written, be assured, Will easily be granted. You, my lord, To Northumberland Your son in Scotland being thus employ'd, Shall secretly into the bosom creep Of that same noble prelate, well beloved, The archbishop. HOTSPUR Of York, is it not? EARL OF WORCESTER True; who bears hard His brother's death at Bristol, the Lord Scroop. I speak not this in estimation, As what I think might be, but what I know Is ruminated, plotted and set down, And only stays but to behold the face Of that occasion that shall bring it on. HOTSPUR I smell it: upon my life, it will do well. NORTHUMBERLAND Before the game is afoot, thou still let'st slip. HOTSPUR Why, it cannot choose but be a noble plot; And then the power of Scotland and of York, To join with Mortimer, ha? EARL OF WORCESTER And so they shall. HOTSPUR In faith, it is exceedingly well aim'd. EARL OF WORCESTER And 'tis no little reason bids us speed, To save our heads by raising of a head; For, bear ourselves as even as we can, The king will always think him in our debt, And think we think ourselves unsatisfied, Till he hath found a time to pay us home: And see already how he doth begin To make us strangers to his looks of love. HOTSPUR He does, he does: we'll be revenged on him. EARL OF WORCESTER Cousin, farewell: no further go in this Than I by letters shall direct your course. When time is ripe, which will be suddenly, I'll steal to Glendower and Lord Mortimer; Where you and Douglas and our powers at once, As I will fashion it, shall happily meet, To bear our fortunes in our own strong arms, Which now we hold at much uncertainty. NORTHUMBERLAND Farewell, good brother: we shall thrive, I trust. HOTSPUR Uncle, Adieu: O, let the hours be short Till fields and blows and groans applaud our sport! Exeunt ACT II SCENE I. Rochester. An inn yard. Enter a Carrier with a lantern in his hand First Carrier Heigh-ho! an it be not four by the day, I'll be hanged: Charles' wain is over the new chimney, and yet our horse not packed. What, ostler! Ostler [Within] Anon, anon. First Carrier I prithee, Tom, beat Cut's saddle, put a few flocks in the point; poor jade, is wrung in the withers out of all cess. Enter another Carrier Second Carrier Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog, and that is the next way to give poor jades the bots: this house is turned upside down since Robin Ostler died. First Carrier Poor fellow, never joyed since the price of oats rose; it was the death of him. Second Carrier I think this be the most villanous house in all London road for fleas: I am stung like a tench. First Carrier Like a tench! by the mass, there is ne'er a king christen could be better bit than I have been since the first cock. Second Carrier Why, they will allow us ne'er a jordan, and then we leak in your chimney; and your chamber-lie breeds fleas like a loach. First Carrier What, ostler! come away and be hanged! Second Carrier I have a gammon of bacon and two razors of ginger, to be delivered as far as Charing-cross. First Carrier God's body! the turkeys in my pannier are quite starved. What, ostler! A plague on thee! hast thou never an eye in thy head? canst not hear? An 'twere not as good deed as drink, to break the pate on thee, I am a very villain. Come, and be hanged! hast thou no faith in thee? Enter GADSHILL GADSHILL Good morrow, carriers. What's o'clock? First Carrier I think it be two o'clock. GADSHILL I pray thee lend me thy lantern, to see my gelding in the stable. First Carrier Nay, by God, soft; I know a trick worth two of that, i' faith. GADSHILL I pray thee, lend me thine. Second Carrier Ay, when? can'st tell? Lend me thy lantern, quoth he? marry, I'll see thee hanged first. GADSHILL Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to come to London? Second Carrier Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant thee. Come, neighbour Mugs, we'll call up the gentleman: they will along with company, for they have great charge. Exeunt carriers GADSHILL What, ho! chamberlain! Chamberlain [Within] At hand, quoth pick-purse. GADSHILL That's even as fair as--at hand, quoth the chamberlain; for thou variest no more from picking of purses than giving direction doth from labouring; thou layest the plot how. Enter Chamberlain Chamberlain Good morrow, Master Gadshill. It holds current that I told you yesternight: there's a franklin in the wild of Kent hath brought three hundred marks with him in gold: I heard him tell it to one of his company last night at supper; a kind of auditor; one that hath abundance of charge too, God knows what. They are up already, and call for eggs and butter; they will away presently. GADSHILL Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas' clerks, I'll give thee this neck. Chamberlain No, I'll none of it: I pray thee keep that for the hangman; for I know thou worshippest St. Nicholas as truly as a man of falsehood may. GADSHILL What talkest thou to me of the hangman? if I hang, I'll make a fat pair of gallows; for if I hang, old Sir John hangs with me, and thou knowest he is no starveling. Tut! there are other Trojans that thou dreamest not of, the which for sport sake are content to do the profession some grace; that would, if matters should be looked into, for their own credit sake, make all whole. I am joined with no foot-land rakers, no long-staff sixpenny strikers, none of these mad mustachio purple-hued malt-worms; but with nobility and tranquillity, burgomasters and great oneyers, such as can hold in, such as will strike sooner than speak, and speak sooner than drink, and drink sooner than pray: and yet, zounds, I lie; for they pray continually to their saint, the commonwealth; or rather, not pray to her, but prey on her, for they ride up and down on her and make her their boots. Chamberlain What, the commonwealth their boots? will she hold out water in foul way? GADSHILL She will, she will; justice hath liquored her. We steal as in a castle, cocksure; we have the receipt of fern-seed, we walk invisible. Chamberlain Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholding to the night than to fern-seed for your walking invisible. GADSHILL Give me thy hand: thou shalt have a share in our purchase, as I am a true man. Chamberlain Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false thief. GADSHILL Go to; 'homo' is a common name to all men. Bid the ostler bring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell, you muddy knave. Exeunt SCENE II. The highway, near Gadshill. Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS POINS Come, shelter, shelter: I have removed Falstaff's horse, and he frets like a gummed velvet. PRINCE HENRY Stand close. Enter FALSTAFF FALSTAFF Poins! Poins, and be hanged! Poins! PRINCE HENRY Peace, ye fat-kidneyed rascal! what a brawling dost thou keep! FALSTAFF Where's Poins, Hal? PRINCE HENRY He is walked up to the top of the hill: I'll go seek him. FALSTAFF I am accursed to rob in that thief's company: the rascal hath removed my horse, and tied him I know not where. If I travel but four foot by the squier further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt not but to die a fair death for all this, if I 'scape hanging for killing that rogue. I have forsworn his company hourly any time this two and twenty years, and yet I am bewitched with the rogue's company. If the rascal hath not given me medicines to make me love him, I'll be hanged; it could not be else: I have drunk medicines. Poins! Hal! a plague upon you both! Bardolph! Peto! I'll starve ere I'll rob a foot further. An 'twere not as good a deed as drink, to turn true man and to leave these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground is threescore and ten miles afoot with me; and the stony-hearted villains know it well enough: a plague upon it when thieves cannot be true one to another! They whistle Whew! A plague upon you all! Give me my horse, you rogues; give me my horse, and be hanged! PRINCE HENRY Peace, ye fat-guts! lie down; lay thine ear close to the ground and list if thou canst hear the tread of travellers. FALSTAFF Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down? 'Sblood, I'll not bear mine own flesh so far afoot again for all the coin in thy father's exchequer. What a plague mean ye to colt me thus? PRINCE HENRY Thou liest; thou art not colted, thou art uncolted. FALSTAFF I prithee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse, good king's son. PRINCE HENRY Out, ye rogue! shall I be your ostler? FALSTAFF Go, hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent garters! If I be ta'en, I'll peach for this. An I have not ballads made on you all and sung to filthy tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison: when a jest is so forward, and afoot too! I hate it. Enter GADSHILL, BARDOLPH and PETO GADSHILL Stand. FALSTAFF So I do, against my will. POINS O, 'tis our setter: I know his voice. Bardolph, what news? BARDOLPH Case ye, case ye; on with your vizards: there 's money of the king's coming down the hill; 'tis going to the king's exchequer. FALSTAFF You lie, ye rogue; 'tis going to the king's tavern. GADSHILL There's enough to make us all. FALSTAFF To be hanged. PRINCE HENRY Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow lane; Ned Poins and I will walk lower: if they 'scape from your encounter, then they light on us. PETO How many be there of them? GADSHILL Some eight or ten. FALSTAFF 'Zounds, will they not rob us? PRINCE HENRY What, a coward, Sir John Paunch? FALSTAFF Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather; but yet no coward, Hal. PRINCE HENRY Well, we leave that to the proof. POINS Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge: when thou needest him, there thou shalt find him. Farewell, and stand fast. FALSTAFF Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hanged. PRINCE HENRY Ned, where are our disguises? POINS Here, hard by: stand close. Exeunt PRINCE HENRY and POINS FALSTAFF Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I: every man to his business. Enter the Travellers First Traveller Come, neighbour: the boy shall lead our horses down the hill; we'll walk afoot awhile, and ease our legs. Thieves Stand! Travellers Jesus bless us! FALSTAFF Strike; down with them; cut the villains' throats: ah! whoreson caterpillars! bacon-fed knaves! they hate us youth: down with them: fleece them. Travellers O, we are undone, both we and ours for ever! FALSTAFF Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone? No, ye fat chuffs: I would your store were here! On, bacons, on! What, ye knaves! young men must live. You are Grand-jurors, are ye? we'll jure ye, 'faith. Here they rob them and bind them. Exeunt Re-enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS PRINCE HENRY The thieves have bound the true men. Now could thou and I rob the thieves and go merrily to London, it would be argument for a week, laughter for a month and a good jest for ever. POINS Stand close; I hear them coming. Enter the Thieves again FALSTAFF Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse before day. An the Prince and Poins be not two arrant cowards, there's no equity stirring: there's no more valour in that Poins than in a wild-duck. PRINCE HENRY Your money! POINS Villains! As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins set upon them; they all run away; and Falstaff, after a blow or two, runs away too, leaving the booty behind them PRINCE HENRY Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse: The thieves are all scatter'd and possess'd with fear So strongly that they dare not meet each other; Each takes his fellow for an officer. Away, good Ned. Falstaff sweats to death, And lards the lean earth as he walks along: Were 't not for laughing, I should pity him. POINS How the rogue roar'd! Exeunt SCENE III. Warkworth castle Enter HOTSPUR, solus, reading a letter HOTSPUR 'But for mine own part, my lord, I could be well contented to be there, in respect of the love I bear your house.' He could be contented: why is he not, then? In respect of the love he bears our house: he shows in this, he loves his own barn better than he loves our house. Let me see some more. 'The purpose you undertake is dangerous;'--why, that's certain: 'tis dangerous to take a cold, to sleep, to drink; but I tell you, my lord fool, out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety. 'The purpose you undertake is dangerous; the friends you have named uncertain; the time itself unsorted; and your whole plot too light for the counterpoise of so great an opposition.' Say you so, say you so? I say unto you again, you are a shallow cowardly hind, and you lie. What a lack-brain is this! By the Lord, our plot is a good plot as ever was laid; our friends true and constant: a good plot, good friends, and full of expectation; an excellent plot, very good friends. What a frosty-spirited rogue is this! Why, my lord of York commends the plot and the general course of action. 'Zounds, an I were now by this rascal, I could brain him with his lady's fan. Is there not my father, my uncle and myself? lord Edmund Mortimer, My lord of York and Owen Glendower? is there not besides the Douglas? have I not all their letters to meet me in arms by the ninth of the next month? and are they not some of them set forward already? What a pagan rascal is this! an infidel! Ha! you shall see now in very sincerity of fear and cold heart, will he to the king and lay open all our proceedings. O, I could divide myself and go to buffets, for moving such a dish of skim milk with so honourable an action! Hang him! let him tell the king: we are prepared. I will set forward to-night. Enter LADY PERCY How now, Kate! I must leave you within these two hours. LADY PERCY O, my good lord, why are you thus alone? For what offence have I this fortnight been A banish'd woman from my Harry's bed? Tell me, sweet lord, what is't that takes from thee Thy stomach, pleasure and thy golden sleep? Why dost thou bend thine eyes upon the earth, And start so often when thou sit'st alone? Why hast thou lost the fresh blood in thy cheeks; And given my treasures and my rights of thee To thick-eyed musing and cursed melancholy? In thy faint slumbers I by thee have watch'd, And heard thee murmur tales of iron wars; Speak terms of manage to thy bounding steed; Cry 'Courage! to the field!' And thou hast talk'd Of sallies and retires, of trenches, tents, Of palisadoes, frontiers, parapets, Of basilisks, of cannon, culverin, Of prisoners' ransom and of soldiers slain, And all the currents of a heady fight. Thy spirit within thee hath been so at war And thus hath so bestirr'd thee in thy sleep, That beads of sweat have stood upon thy brow Like bubbles in a late-disturbed stream; And in thy face strange motions have appear'd, Such as we see when men restrain their breath On some great sudden hest. O, what portents are these? Some heavy business hath my lord in hand, And I must know it, else he loves me not. HOTSPUR What, ho! Enter Servant Is Gilliams with the packet gone? Servant He is, my lord, an hour ago. HOTSPUR Hath Butler brought those horses from the sheriff? Servant One horse, my lord, he brought even now. HOTSPUR What horse? a roan, a crop-ear, is it not? Servant It is, my lord. HOTSPUR That roan shall by my throne. Well, I will back him straight: O esperance! Bid Butler lead him forth into the park. Exit Servant LADY PERCY But hear you, my lord. HOTSPUR What say'st thou, my lady? LADY PERCY What is it carries you away? HOTSPUR Why, my horse, my love, my horse. LADY PERCY Out, you mad-headed ape! A weasel hath not such a deal of spleen As you are toss'd with. In faith, I'll know your business, Harry, that I will. I fear my brother Mortimer doth stir About his title, and hath sent for you To line his enterprise: but if you go,-- HOTSPUR So far afoot, I shall be weary, love. LADY PERCY Come, come, you paraquito, answer me Directly unto this question that I ask: In faith, I'll break thy little finger, Harry, An if thou wilt not tell me all things true. HOTSPUR Away, Away, you trifler! Love! I love thee not, I care not for thee, Kate: this is no world To play with mammets and to tilt with lips: We must have bloody noses and crack'd crowns, And pass them current too. God's me, my horse! What say'st thou, Kate? what would'st thou have with me? LADY PERCY Do you not love me? do you not, indeed? Well, do not then; for since you love me not, I will not love myself. Do you not love me? Nay, tell me if you speak in jest or no. HOTSPUR Come, wilt thou see me ride? And when I am on horseback, I will swear I love thee infinitely. But hark you, Kate; I must not have you henceforth question me Whither I go, nor reason whereabout: Whither I must, I must; and, to conclude, This evening must I leave you, gentle Kate. I know you wise, but yet no farther wise Than Harry Percy's wife: constant you are, But yet a woman: and for secrecy, No lady closer; for I well believe Thou wilt not utter what thou dost not know; And so far will I trust thee, gentle Kate. LADY PERCY How! so far? HOTSPUR Not an inch further. But hark you, Kate: Whither I go, thither shall you go too; To-day will I set forth, to-morrow you. Will this content you, Kate? LADY PERCY It must of force. Exeunt SCENE IV. The Boar's-Head Tavern, Eastcheap. Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS PRINCE HENRY Ned, prithee, come out of that fat room, and lend me thy hand to laugh a little. POINS Where hast been, Hal? PRINCE HENRY With three or four loggerheads amongst three or four score hogsheads. I have sounded the very base-string of humility. Sirrah, I am sworn brother to a leash of drawers; and can call them all by their christen names, as Tom, Dick, and Francis. They take it already upon their salvation, that though I be but the prince of Wales, yet I am king of courtesy; and tell me flatly I am no proud Jack, like Falstaff, but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a good boy, by the Lord, so they call me, and when I am king of England, I shall command all the good lads in Eastcheap. They call drinking deep, dyeing scarlet; and when you breathe in your watering, they cry 'hem!' and bid you play it off. To conclude, I am so good a proficient in one quarter of an hour, that I can drink with any tinker in his own language during my life. I tell thee, Ned, thou hast lost much honour, that thou wert not with me in this sweet action. But, sweet Ned,--to sweeten which name of Ned, I give thee this pennyworth of sugar, clapped even now into my hand by an under-skinker, one that never spake other English in his life than 'Eight shillings and sixpence' and 'You are welcome,' with this shrill addition, 'Anon, anon, sir! Score a pint of bastard in the Half-Moon,' or so. But, Ned, to drive away the time till Falstaff come, I prithee, do thou stand in some by-room, while I question my puny drawer to what end he gave me the sugar; and do thou never leave calling 'Francis,' that his tale to me may be nothing but 'Anon.' Step aside, and I'll show thee a precedent. POINS Francis! PRINCE HENRY Thou art perfect. POINS Francis! Exit POINS Enter FRANCIS FRANCIS Anon, anon, sir. Look down into the Pomgarnet, Ralph. PRINCE HENRY Come hither, Francis. FRANCIS My lord? PRINCE HENRY How long hast thou to serve, Francis? FRANCIS Forsooth, five years, and as much as to-- POINS [Within] Francis! FRANCIS Anon, anon, sir. PRINCE HENRY Five year! by'r lady, a long lease for the clinking of pewter. But, Francis, darest thou be so valiant as to play the coward with thy indenture and show it a fair pair of heels and run from it? FRANCIS O Lord, sir, I'll be sworn upon all the books in England, I could find in my heart. POINS [Within] Francis! FRANCIS Anon, sir. PRINCE HENRY How old art thou, Francis? FRANCIS Let me see--about Michaelmas next I shall be-- POINS [Within] Francis! FRANCIS Anon, sir. Pray stay a little, my lord. PRINCE HENRY Nay, but hark you, Francis: for the sugar thou gavest me,'twas a pennyworth, wast't not? FRANCIS O Lord, I would it had been two! PRINCE HENRY I will give thee for it a thousand pound: ask me when thou wilt, and thou shalt have it. POINS [Within] Francis! FRANCIS Anon, anon. PRINCE HENRY Anon, Francis? No, Francis; but to-morrow, Francis; or, Francis, o' Thursday; or indeed, Francis, when thou wilt. But, Francis! FRANCIS My lord? PRINCE HENRY Wilt thou rob this leathern jerkin, crystal-button, not-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch,-- FRANCIS O Lord, sir, who do you mean? PRINCE HENRY Why, then, your brown bastard is your only drink; for look you, Francis, your white canvas doublet will sully: in Barbary, sir, it cannot come to so much. FRANCIS What, sir? POINS [Within] Francis! PRINCE HENRY Away, you rogue! dost thou not hear them call? Here they both call him; the drawer stands amazed, not knowing which way to go Enter Vintner Vintner What, standest thou still, and hearest such a calling? Look to the guests within. Exit Francis My lord, old Sir John, with half-a-dozen more, are at the door: shall I let them in? PRINCE HENRY Let them alone awhile, and then open the door. Exit Vintner Poins! Re-enter POINS POINS Anon, anon, sir. PRINCE HENRY Sirrah, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves are at the door: shall we be merry? POINS As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark ye; what cunning match have you made with this jest of the drawer? come, what's the issue? PRINCE HENRY I am now of all humours that have showed themselves humours since the old days of goodman Adam to the pupil age of this present twelve o'clock at midnight. Re-enter FRANCIS What's o'clock, Francis? FRANCIS Anon, anon, sir. Exit PRINCE HENRY That ever this fellow should have fewer words than a parrot, and yet the son of a woman! His industry is upstairs and downstairs; his eloquence the parcel of a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy's mind, the Hotspur of the north; he that kills me some six or seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his hands, and says to his wife 'Fie upon this quiet life! I want work.' 'O my sweet Harry,' says she, 'how many hast thou killed to-day?' 'Give my roan horse a drench,' says he; and answers 'Some fourteen,' an hour after; 'a trifle, a trifle.' I prithee, call in Falstaff: I'll play Percy, and that damned brawn shall play Dame Mortimer his wife. 'Rivo!' says the drunkard. Call in ribs, call in tallow. Enter FALSTAFF, GADSHILL, BARDOLPH, and PETO; FRANCIS following with wine POINS Welcome, Jack: where hast thou been? FALSTAFF A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too! marry, and amen! Give me a cup of sack, boy. Ere I lead this life long, I'll sew nether stocks and mend them and foot them too. A plague of all cowards! Give me a cup of sack, rogue. Is there no virtue extant? He drinks PRINCE HENRY Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter? pitiful-hearted Titan, that melted at the sweet tale of the sun's! if thou didst, then behold that compound. FALSTAFF You rogue, here's lime in this sack too: there is nothing but roguery to be found in villanous man: yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime in it. A villanous coward! Go thy ways, old Jack; die when thou wilt, if manhood, good manhood, be not forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I a shotten herring. There live not three good men unhanged in England; and one of them is fat and grows old: God help the while! a bad world, I say. I would I were a weaver; I could sing psalms or any thing. A plague of all cowards, I say still. PRINCE HENRY How now, wool-sack! what mutter you? FALSTAFF A king's son! If I do not beat thee out of thy kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy subjects afore thee like a flock of wild-geese, I'll never wear hair on my face more. You Prince of Wales! PRINCE HENRY Why, you whoreson round man, what's the matter? FALSTAFF Are not you a coward? answer me to that: and Poins there? POINS 'Zounds, ye fat paunch, an ye call me coward, by the Lord, I'll stab thee. FALSTAFF I call thee coward! I'll see thee damned ere I call thee coward: but I would give a thousand pound I could run as fast as thou canst. You are straight enough in the shoulders, you care not who sees your back: call you that backing of your friends? A plague upon such backing! give me them that will face me. Give me a cup of sack: I am a rogue, if I drunk to-day. PRINCE HENRY O villain! thy lips are scarce wiped since thou drunkest last. FALSTAFF All's one for that. He drinks A plague of all cowards, still say I. PRINCE HENRY What's the matter? FALSTAFF What's the matter! there be four of us here have ta'en a thousand pound this day morning. PRINCE HENRY Where is it, Jack? where is it? FALSTAFF Where is it! taken from us it is: a hundred upon poor four of us. PRINCE HENRY What, a hundred, man? FALSTAFF I am a rogue, if I were not at half-sword with a dozen of them two hours together. I have 'scaped by miracle. I am eight times thrust through the doublet, four through the hose; my buckler cut through and through; my sword hacked like a hand-saw--ecce signum! I never dealt better since I was a man: all would not do. A plague of all cowards! Let them speak: if they speak more or less than truth, they are villains and the sons of darkness. PRINCE HENRY Speak, sirs; how was it? GADSHILL We four set upon some dozen-- FALSTAFF Sixteen at least, my lord. GADSHILL And bound them. PETO No, no, they were not bound. FALSTAFF You rogue, they were bound, every man of them; or I am a Jew else, an Ebrew Jew. GADSHILL As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us-- FALSTAFF And unbound the rest, and then come in the other. PRINCE HENRY What, fought you with them all? FALSTAFF All! I know not what you call all; but if I fought not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish: if there were not two or three and fifty upon poor old Jack, then am I no two-legged creature. PRINCE HENRY Pray God you have not murdered some of them. FALSTAFF Nay, that's past praying for: I have peppered two of them; two I am sure I have paid, two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou knowest my old ward; here I lay and thus I bore my point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me-- PRINCE HENRY What, four? thou saidst but two even now. FALSTAFF Four, Hal; I told thee four. POINS Ay, ay, he said four. FALSTAFF These four came all a-front, and mainly thrust at me. I made me no more ado but took all their seven points in my target, thus. PRINCE HENRY Seven? why, there were but four even now. FALSTAFF In buckram? POINS Ay, four, in buckram suits. FALSTAFF Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else. PRINCE HENRY Prithee, let him alone; we shall have more anon. FALSTAFF Dost thou hear me, Hal? PRINCE HENRY Ay, and mark thee too, Jack. FALSTAFF Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine in buckram that I told thee of-- PRINCE HENRY So, two more already. FALSTAFF Their points being broken,-- POINS Down fell their hose. FALSTAFF Began to give me ground: but I followed me close, came in foot and hand; and with a thought seven of the eleven I paid. PRINCE HENRY O monstrous! eleven buckram men grown out of two! FALSTAFF But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves in Kendal green came at my back and let drive at me; for it was so dark, Hal, that thou couldst not see thy hand. PRINCE HENRY These lies are like their father that begets them; gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson, obscene, grease tallow-catch,-- FALSTAFF What, art thou mad? art thou mad? is not the truth the truth? PRINCE HENRY Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal green, when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy hand? come, tell us your reason: what sayest thou to this? POINS Come, your reason, Jack, your reason. FALSTAFF What, upon compulsion? 'Zounds, an I were at the strappado, or all the racks in the world, I would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion! If reasons were as plentiful as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I. PRINCE HENRY I'll be no longer guilty of this sin; this sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker, this huge hill of flesh,-- FALSTAFF 'Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried neat's tongue, you bull's pizzle, you stock-fish! O for breath to utter what is like thee! you tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bowcase; you vile standing-tuck,-- PRINCE HENRY Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again: and when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this. POINS Mark, Jack. PRINCE HENRY We two saw you four set on four and bound them, and were masters of their wealth. Mark now, how a plain tale shall put you down. Then did we two set on you four; and, with a word, out-faced you from your prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in the house: and, Falstaff, you carried your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared for mercy and still run and roared, as ever I heard bull-calf. What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight! What trick, what device, what starting-hole, canst thou now find out to hide thee from this open and apparent shame? POINS Come, let's hear, Jack; what trick hast thou now? FALSTAFF By the Lord, I knew ye as well as he that made ye. Why, hear you, my masters: was it for me to kill the heir-apparent? should I turn upon the true prince? why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules: but beware instinct; the lion will not touch the true prince. Instinct is a great matter; I was now a coward on instinct. I shall think the better of myself and thee during my life; I for a valiant lion, and thou for a true prince. But, by the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the money. Hostess, clap to the doors: watch to-night, pray to-morrow. Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles of good fellowship come to you! What, shall we be merry? shall we have a play extempore? PRINCE HENRY Content; and the argument shall be thy running away. FALSTAFF Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me! Enter Hostess Hostess O Jesu, my lord the prince! PRINCE HENRY How now, my lady the hostess! what sayest thou to me? Hostess Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at door would speak with you: he says he comes from your father. PRINCE HENRY Give him as much as will make him a royal man, and send him back again to my mother. FALSTAFF What manner of man is he? Hostess An old man. FALSTAFF What doth gravity out of his bed at midnight? Shall I give him his answer? PRINCE HENRY Prithee, do, Jack. FALSTAFF 'Faith, and I'll send him packing. Exit FALSTAFF PRINCE HENRY Now, sirs: by'r lady, you fought fair; so did you, Peto; so did you, Bardolph: you are lions too, you ran away upon instinct, you will not touch the true prince; no, fie! BARDOLPH 'Faith, I ran when I saw others run. PRINCE HENRY 'Faith, tell me now in earnest, how came Falstaff's sword so hacked? PETO Why, he hacked it with his dagger, and said he would swear truth out of England but he would make you believe it was done in fight, and persuaded us to do the like. BARDOLPH Yea, and to tickle our noses with spear-grass to make them bleed, and then to beslubber our garments with it and swear it was the blood of true men. I did that I did not this seven year before, I blushed to hear his monstrous devices. PRINCE HENRY O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever since thou hast blushed extempore. Thou hadst fire and sword on thy side, and yet thou rannest away: what instinct hadst thou for it? BARDOLPH My lord, do you see these meteors? do you behold these exhalations? PRINCE HENRY I do. BARDOLPH What think you they portend? PRINCE HENRY Hot livers and cold purses. BARDOLPH Choler, my lord, if rightly taken. PRINCE HENRY No, if rightly taken, halter. Re-enter FALSTAFF Here comes lean Jack, here comes bare-bone. How now, my sweet creature of bombast! How long is't ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own knee? FALSTAFF My own knee! when I was about thy years, Hal, I was not an eagle's talon in the waist; I could have crept into any alderman's thumb-ring: a plague of sighing and grief! it blows a man up like a bladder. There's villanous news abroad: here was Sir John Bracy from your father; you must to the court in the morning. That same mad fellow of the north, Percy, and he of Wales, that gave Amamon the bastinado and made Lucifer cuckold and swore the devil his true liegeman upon the cross of a Welsh hook--what a plague call you him? POINS O, Glendower. FALSTAFF Owen, Owen, the same; and his son-in-law Mortimer, and old Northumberland, and that sprightly Scot of Scots, Douglas, that runs o' horseback up a hill perpendicular,-- PRINCE HENRY He that rides at high speed and with his pistol kills a sparrow flying. FALSTAFF You have hit it. PRINCE HENRY So did he never the sparrow. FALSTAFF Well, that rascal hath good mettle in him; he will not run. PRINCE HENRY Why, what a rascal art thou then, to praise him so for running!